Kitchen Table Discussions (Mini Series) - Church Hurt

Let's talk about church hurt. Something almost every single person who has attended church has experienced at least once in their life. Something that can be very damaging when not viewed through the appropriate lens, and that lens being the fact that just become someone is supposed to represent Christ, it doesn't mean that they are Christ. They are still human and still have flaws, just like you and I do. 

The Church is full of imperfect people. It is full of individuals who still have their own struggles and are in need of a Savior. That fact alone should make it easier to not allow the disappointment of a couple people within the church you attend to be the reason you stop going altogether and it certainly should not change the way you view Jesus Himself. People are going to fail you and they are going to disappoint you, that is why you should not put faith in them the way you do God. Learning to manage your expectations of people is a valuable life lesson.

Trust me when I tell you that I am not just giving this advice to give it, this is something I have first hand experience with and have had to work through myself. I attend a church that has a lot of people that walk through the doors and I have had several less than pleasant interactions with people who I still see on a weekly basis. Ranging from being pulled into someone else's fight and made to feel backed into a corner, to realizing that a relationship I thought was strong was apparently very shallow and I am still working through that hurt. Having to learn that not everyone means it when they say "if you need anything, I am here". But I do not go to church on Sunday's for the people, I go so that I get to participate in the corporate worship and I get to hear what our Pastor has been working on the Lord with. I go to experience the presence of God, not to hang out with people who may or may not even like me. 

Yes it is human nature to want to be liked and to want to avoid conflict, but we are not going to be for every single person, and that is quite alright. Living by my convictions, I know the Lord saw what took place and He understands the hurt I feel, but I know that I did not do anything wrong in these scenarios. I also know that I do not have to do anything else to try and mend the fences, because with the Lord's help I can forgive them (whether they know it or not) and I can move forward in peace. The Lord will handle things on my behalf, and all I have to just to shut up and be still. I do not need to blow anything out of proportion just because someone has shown me their true colors. That is something that will be handled between them and the Lord, and it does not need to cause me to pull away from church. If anything, it is a perfect opportunity to "pray for my enemies" so to speak. I can still attend church and be there for the correct reasons, and use that as the chance to pray for the people who have hurt me and ask that the Lord help me to forgive and offer grace.

Now just because I have forgiven the church hurt, does not mean that I have to allow it back into my life. Boundaries are healthy and I will 100% be touching on that topic here soon. Forgiveness does not equate to being someone's doormat. I can forgive, while also drawing a line to love someone from a distance. Sometimes it is better for everyone involved to have that distance and no longer pour into a relationship that is more damaging than healing, and doing so is not a failure. It is actually the mature response and these boundaries can be what leads to peace.

This doesn't mean that I would not allow myself to have a conversation with someone who has previously hurt me if they ask me to, but that I simply will not be seeking out that relationship anymore. If my absence does not prompt them to reach out, then it may mean it also provides them peace, and that's okay. In this life people do not owe us their time or friendship, nor do we owe someone else our time or friendship. If it is not a healthy relationship and it does not provide a positive, fruit bearing, uplifting environment, then it is best to just let it go and love from a distance.

So here are a few important reminders for you while you are trying to move past the church hurt in your life...

 - God validates your pain (Psalm 34:18)

 - The church is full of broken people (Matthew 7:15)

 - Distinguish people from God (2 Timothy 2:13)

 - Allow yourself to grieve (Psalm 55:12-14)

 - Prioritize safety and boundaries (2 Timothy 3:5)

 - Release vengeance to God (Romans 12:19)

Give it to God and let it go, remove the burden from your shoulders and forgive them so that you can live in peace and focus on what really matters. God sees you, friend, and so do I.