- being strong for everyone all the time.
- praying the same prayer over and over.
- trying to hold together things they cannot control.
- feeling like they are falling behind in life.
- being the dependable one.
- carrying grief nobody sees.
- fighting battles they don't have words for.
- constantly pouring out and rarely being poured into.
- wondering when God is finally going to answer.
- feeling guilty because they are exhausted even though they know God is good.
- smiling when they're barely holding themselves together.
- going to bed tired and waking up tired.
- being tired of being tired.
- wondering if you have said the wrong thing.
- replaying conversations after they have come and gone.
- feeling like you have to carefully choose every word around certain people.
- feeling like no matter how much you explain yourself, someone has already decided who you are.
- the pain of outgrowing people.
- being happy for people while wondering, "when will it be my turn?'.
- trying to be someone that you yourself can be proud of.
- being everyone's safe space.
- having to make decisions.
- being responsible for your own healing.
- pretending something doesn't hurt anymore.
- constantly adapting.
- carrying guilt for things that aren't yours.
- being afraid to disappoint people.
- constantly having to start over.
- missing who you used to be.
- not knowing what is next.
- praying for everyone else and never yourself.
- not knowing how to let go.
I promise you that I could continue adding to this list, because we all have things that we carry whether we realize it or not, and that baggage eventually gets too heavy and it begins to weigh us down. And it doesn't always seem obvious to us that we are exhausted, because it can start out as just feeling a little tired. But if you are sitting here wondering "does this apply to me?", I just want to say that if the progression I point out next sounds like something you needed, apply it like lotion, my friend.
At first everything is just fine. Life is life, not perfect but you're managing. You have the energy to deal with the hard things, you pray, you keep going. You laugh and you make plans, telling people you're good - and you genuinely believe that you are. But then you become tired. Not necessarily physically, but you're tired of having the same conversation. You are tired of waiting, tired of trying, tired of being disappointed. You are tired of having to make decisions and pretending that something doesn't bother you. You are tired of wondering when something is going to change, but you keep going because you're okay. At least that is what you are telling yourself. Then tired becomes exhausted. And once you become exhausted, that exhaustion starts changing the way you experience everything around you. Things that normally would not bother you suddenly do. Small inconveniences feel enormous, you don't have the patience that you used to. You no longer want to talk or explain anything, and the last thing you want from someone is advice. You just want everything to stop for a minute. Then next thing you know, you are looking at yourself in the mirror trying to remember the last time you actually felt like yourself.
But here is your good news; God never asked you to carry what He has asked you to surrender. There is a difference between enduring something with God and trying to carry something without Him. Sometimes we say we are trusting God while still mentally carrying the entire situation. We are praying, "God I give this to You", but then five minutes later we are picking it back up. We start replaying it, analyzing it, planning for every possible outcome, and trying to figure out how to control what happens next, all while wondering when God will move. But we fail to realize that we are exhausted because we're carrying something that we told God we gave Him. That is very much in our human nature, and it does not mean that we don't trust God. It means we are learning what surrender actually looks like.
And surrender is not saying, "I don't care anymore". It is saying, "I care deeply, but I trust You more than I trust myself to control the outcome". That is powerful. Because giving something to God doesn't necessarily mean the circumstance immediately changes. Sometimes the circumstance stays exactly the same - but YOU do not. The problem may still be there, the unanswered prayer may still be unanswered. People may still be difficult, and the future still uncertain. But suddenly you are not carrying it alone. And that's where peace comes in. Not the peace of "everything worked out", but the peace of "I don't know how this is going to work out, but I know Who holds it".
Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Notice that the scripture does not promise that when we pray, the problem disappears. It says His peace comes.
Now peace is not necessarily happiness. But peace is what allows us to stop living in survival mode. And once we are no longer constantly bracing ourselves for the next thing, we can begin to notice things again...
The coffee tastes good. Sunlight shining in through your windows. The song you love. A conversation with someone you love. Your dogs lying next to you. A good book. Laughter. A quiet morning. Worship. A prayer that isn't desperate, but grateful. Next thing you realize is that you're no longer just surviving, but you're experiencing joy again. You are experiencing joy again because exhaustion is no longer the lens which you saw everything.
Of course you do not have to wait until you are completely exhausted to give it to God. Go ahead and give it to him when you're okay, when you're tired. Give it to him before tired becomes exhausted. And if you're already exhausted? Come anyway. There is no shame arriving at Jesus' feet with nothing left. Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". Not "fix yourself and then come". Not "get stronger and then come". Come. That's the invitation.
You were never meant to live exhausted.
You were meant to live surrendered.
And there is a difference.
Give it to God, do not pick it back up, and lean into the peace and joy that only God can give you.
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