Who Are You When You're Not Useful?

Do you know who you are when you are not actively doing something for someone else?

Most all of us know how to be:

 - the dependable one

 - the helper

 - the listener

 - the problem solver

 - the caretaker

 - the encourager

 - the strong one

 - the responsible one

 - the one who always says yes

 - the one who everyone calls when something goes wrong

But who are you when nobody needs anything from you? I truly want you to ask yourself these questions, and really think about what the true answers are.

Who are you when you aren't fixing something?

Who are you when you aren't producing?

Who are you when you aren't taking care of someone?

Who are you when you aren't accomplishing anything?

Who are you when you're resting?

Who are you when you are sick, tired, depressed, overwhelmed, unemployed, grieving, or simply having a season where you don't have much to give?

Now after you have answered these questions, I want you to take a moment and think about how easily usefulness can become an identity. How we can sometimes not just enjoy being helpful, but begin to believe the lie that "if I am useful, I am valuable". These are two completely different things. 

Do you ever feel like because people need you, you matter? What about if because you are productive, you're worthy? Or if because you're helping someone, you have purpose? Maybe even if because you're accomplishing something, you are doing enough? Okay, so now look at it from a place of what happens when you can't? What happens when you don't have anything to offer, no one needs your advice, you are not the one holding everything together? Do you believe "I am valuable because of who I am" OR "I am valuable because of what I can provide"?

Useful is not the same thing as loved. Hear me (or read me...?) when I say this. Useful is NOT the same as loved. Someone can need what you do without truly knowing you, and someone can love you when you have absolutely nothing to offer them. That is an important distinction. You do not want to be loved because you are useful, you want to be loved because you're you.

God did not create you because He needed another employee. He did not save you because you are exceptionally productive. He does not measure your worth by your output. You do not have to impress God into loving you. You do not have to exhaust yourself earning what He freely gives. 

Delilah, what if rest makes me uncomfortable? My question back to you is why does doing nothing sometimes make you feel guilty? Why do we sit down after completing everything on our list and immediately think: "I should probably be doing something". Why does rest sometimes feel like laziness and why do we feel compelled to justify it? "I cleaned the house, so now I can sit down" or "I worked all week, I deserve a day off". But here is the kicker...what if rest does not have to be earned? What if you are allowed to exist without producing?

I know there are a lot of people like me out there, whether they voice it or not, and a really hard question to confront is "what happens when the person who everyone depends on becomes the person who needs to be carried?", and it can feel like a gut punch. It can hurt to ask your own self this questions because sometimes the hardest thing for a capable person isn't learning how to help others. It's learning how to receive help without feeling like a burden.

It can be very difficult and uncomfortable to learn how to sit with yourself and that be enough. But in order to get there, you have to be able to ask yourself "who am I?" and give a true response. None of the earlier questions of what do you do, what do you accomplish, what do you provide, what do people need from you, what are you good at, what can you fix. 

Instead I want to know:

 - what makes you laugh?

 - what makes you curious?

 - what do you love?

 - what brings you peace?

 - what makes you feel alive?

 - what are your little joys?

 - what do you enjoy when nobody is watching?

 - what would you choose if you didn't have to justify its usefulness?

 

I know that I started out heavy handed here, but I do always try to land this in a place where you can reflect and see things from a different perspective that maybe you've never thought of before.

Before you were useful, you were loved.

Before you accomplished anything, you had worth because of the price paid by Jesus Christ and His blood that was shed for you. Before anyone needed you, God knew you. You are not God's employee or His project manger, and you are not valuable to Him because of how much you accomplish for Him. You are His creation. His beloved. His child. Your purpose didn't begin when you became useful, and it does not disappear when you become tired.

Don't you know that Jesus Himself rested? Jesus withdrew, He slept, He ate. Jesus spent time with people without always having to accomplish something measurable. 

* Jesus withdrew to pray and be alone with the Father. He left big crowds behind even when people still looked for Him. He spent hours talking to the Father without doing miracles or teaching. Luke 5:16

* Jesus slept deeply during a violent storm on the sea. He did not try and fix the weather or organize his disciples until they woke Him up. He showed peaceful rest in the middle of danger. Mark 4:38

* Jesus ate with sinners (praise God for that one, because I don't ever want a meal that Jesus can't join in on). He sat at dinner tables in Bethany and other towns just to share food. Meals took hours and built close friendships. Luke 19:5-7

* Jesus sat and talked with Mary while Martha did all the work. He told Martha that Mary chose the better thing by just sitting with Him. He spent time talking without a big sermon or public healing. Luke 10:38-42

Now the goal here is not to become less useful, but maybe to stop believing that usefulness is the reason that you have purpose.

So tell me, if everything you do for everyone else was suddenly taken away, would you still know who you are? Would you still know Whose you are?