What Are You Carrying?

There is a question I think we should ask ourselves more often. Not, "How are you?" because we have gotten really good at answering that one...

"I'm good."

"I'm fine."

"Just tired."

"It's been a long week."

"I'm hanging in there."

We say these things almost automatically. Sometimes they are true, but sometimes they aren't. Sometimes "I'm fine" is just the easiest answer when the real answer would take too long to explain. So let me ask you something different.

What are you carrying? Not what's on your calendar or what is sitting on your to-do list and definitely not the responsibilities everyone can see. I mean the things you carry quietly. The things you don't talk about. The things that don't show up when someone asks how your day was. What are you carrying? Could be disappointment, grief, even resentment that you wish you didn't have. Maybe it's guilt, shame, or a relationship that is becoming heavier than you ever expected. There is a chance it is fear that something isn't going to happen or fear of what will happen and you don't feel ready for it. Maybe you are carrying the pressure of being the strong one or you are still dragging around an old version of yourself that you're desperately trying to become again. It could be an expectation that you can't meet or you are carrying something that God asked you to surrender a long time ago...and somehow picked back up. Maybe you don't even know what you're carrying anymore, all that you know is that you are tired. And sometimes that is where we have to begin. Not with fixing, not with answers, just with honesty.

We don't always notice the weight. One of the strange things about carrying something for a long time is that eventually, it starts to feel normal. You adjust and learn how to walk with it. You figure out how to carry it while doing everything else;

You laugh with it.

Work with it.

Go to church with it.

Make dinner with it.

Answer emails with it.

Take pictures with it.

You can look completely fine while carrying something incredibly heavy. And because you have become good at functioning under the weight, people may never realize you're struggling. Sometimes even YOU forget. Until one day you realize you're exhausted in a way that sleep can't fix. You're irritable, overwhelmed, emotionally distant. Little things feel enormous. Someone asks a simple question and you feel like crying. You sit in your car for an extra five minutes because you don't have the energy to walk inside. You wake up tired already and you start resenting things that you used to love. You don't understand why you're frustrated all the time. Maybe you aren't lazy or ungrateful, and maybe you aren't failing. Maybe you're just carrying too much. There is a difference.

Sometimes we carry what was never ours. This is where we can get ourselves into trouble, Because sometimes we assume that if we're able to carry something, we're supposed to. But those are not the same thing. 

Just because you're capable of carrying something doesn't mean God asked you to carry it. Think how often you find yourself saying;

"I can handle it."

"It's okay, I'll do it."

"Someone has to."

"They need me."

"If I don't take care of it, nobody will."

"I should be able to deal with this."

"Other people have it worse."

"It's just easier if I do it myself."

I personally have said every single one of these, so I know how easy it is to just pick things up. Then we pick something else up, and something else. Until we're walking around with an invisible pile of things that were never meant to become ours. Someone else's emotions, choices, expectations, approval, consequences. A future that hasn't happened, a past that cannot be changed, or a problem only God can solve. Somewhere in that mess, we confuse control with responsibility. We think if we worry about something enough, we are somehow helping. If we replay the conversation enough, maybe we'll find the perfect words. If we plan every possible outcome, maybe nothing will surprise us. If we keep checking, keep fixing, keep anticipating, keep holding everything together...maybe we can prevent something from falling apart. But what if you were never meant to hold it together? What if that was never your job?

The things we carry because we love. This is the complicated part. Sometimes we carry things because we care. We carry our families, our friends, the people we love when they're hurting. We pray for them, show up, sacrifice, serve, give. And there is something so beautiful about loving people well. Jesus never called us to indifference. But there is a difference between loving someone and taking responsibility for everything they experience. You can love someone without being able to fix them. You can pray for someone without being able to save them. You can support someone without carrying their entire life on your back. You can be there for someone without becoming responsible for every choice they make. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is put someone back into God's hands. Because we were never meant to be their savior, and neither were they meant to be ours.

What about the things we wish we could control? Maybe one of the heaviest things we carry is the future. We carry tomorrow before it ever arrives. We worry about conversations that have not even happened. We grieve things we haven't lost. We fear outcomes we haven't experienced. We create tragedies in our minds and then live through them emotionally before reality ever gets the chance to tell us the truth. We do this because uncertainty is uncomfortable. We want to know, be prepared, have guarantees, and we want God to show us the entire road before we're willing to take the next step. But faith doesn't usually work that way. God gives us enough light for the step we're standing on. Not always the entire staircase. And maybe that's because if He showed us everything at once, we would spend so much time worrying about tomorrow that we'd miss what He's doing today. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 not to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. Tomorrow has enough of it's own trouble. You do not have to live tomorrow today. Let that sink in...you do not have to carry tomorrow today.

The burden of being "the strong one." There is another kind of carrying that doesn't get talked about enough. Being the strong one. The person everyone assumes is okay because you've always been okay. the person who doesn't ask for help. The person who knows how to keep moving even when something inside of you is falling apart. Maybe you've become so good at being dependable that people forget you're human. Maybe you've trained yourself not to need anything. You tell yourself:

"I'll figure it out."

"I'll deal with it later."

"I don’t want to bother anyone."

"Other people need more help than I do."

So you keep giving, showing up, smiling, serving, and saying yes. Until eventually you have nothing left. Then you feel guilty for being empty. But being empty does not mean that you have failed. Sometimes it means you've been pouring from a cup you never allowed God to refill. READ THAT SENTENCE AGAIN. You have been pouring from a cup you never allowed God to refill. You were never created to be an endless source. You are not God. And that's good news! Because it means you don't have to be. You don’t have to know everything. You don't have to fix everything, predict everything, provide everything, save everyone, hold everyone together. You get to be a human who has limits. That needs rest and help. You can say "no", "I don't know", "I can't." And you can also say, "God, I need you."

Jesus never asked you to carry everything. There is an invitation from Jesus that I think we read too quickly. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Come to me. NOT clean up first, not figure everything out, not be stronger, not carry it a little longer so you can prove you are capable. Come. To. Me.

Come to Jesus weary, burdened, exhausted, overwhelmed. Jesus describes His yoke as easy and His burden as light. That does not mean following Jesus means life will never be difficult, don't twist what I am trying to point out to you. It simply means we don’t have to walk through difficult things alone. There is a burden God gives us and then there are burdens that we create. There is a responsibility that belongs to us and then there is a responsibility that belongs to Him. The problem is that we often take God's portion and ours...and we put both on our shoulders. Then we wonder why we're exhausted.

Surrender is not giving up. I think we tend to misunderstand surrender. We hear "give it to God" and think that means we stop caring. It doesn't. Surrender isn't apathy. It isn't laziness and it isn't us refusing to do our part. Surrender is recognizing where our part ends and God's begins. It's saying, "God, I'll do what You've asked me to do. But I will not try to do what only You can do."

I'll apologize, but I can't control whether they forgive me. I'll make the wise decision, but I can't control the outcome. I'll love them, but I can't control whether they love me back. I'll pray, but I can't force the answer. I'll prepare, but I can't guarantee what tomorrow brings. I'll be faithful, but I can't manufacture the results. 

That's surrender. It's doing what is yours to do and trusting God with what isn't.

Cast it on Him. 1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Not some of it, but all of it. The ugly, the embarrassing, the fears that are irrational, the things you think you should have outgrown by now. The shame, the things you don't know how to fix, and the things you don't understand. Cast them on Him. And did you notice the reasons we were given? Because He cares for you. Not because you're annoying Him. Not because your problems are too small to matter. Not because you should have figured it out already. Because He cares. God isn't standing over you asking why you're still struggling with the same thing. he's inviting you to bring it to Him again. And again and again. As many times as it takes. Because grace doesn't run out just because you have to surrender the same thing more than once.

But what if I keep picking it back up? Maybe you've read all of this and thought "okay. But I've already given it to God." And then you worried about it again. You surrendered it, then took it back. You prayed about it, then tried to control it. You cried about it, then convinced yourself you needed to figure it out. If that is you, please hear this:

You're not failing at surrender because you struggle to surrender. Sometime surrender is a daily decision. It can even be an hourly decision or a moment-by-moment decision. 

"God, I'm giving this to You." > five minutes later > "I'm taking this back." > and then > "No. I am giving it to You again."

That is not hypocrisy, that is learning to trust. And maybe the goal isn't to reach some magical place where you never worry again, but the goal is learning how to notice when you've picked the burden back up and becoming quicker to put it back down.

Open your hands. Imagine holding something tightly in your hands. Your knuckles are white, your fingers hurt, you're exhausted from gripping it, but you don't let go. Maybe you're afraid that if you release it, you'll lose it. Maybe you're afraid God won't handle it the way you would. Maybe you're afraid that if you stop controlling it, everything will fall apart. So you hold tighter, and tighter, and tighter. But eventually, your hands have to open. And that may be what God's asking of some of us. Not to understand, know, or have the answer. But to just open our hands and say, "God, I trust You with this." Even if you don't. "God, I trust You with my future." Even when the unknown terrifies you. "God, I trust You with the outcome." Even when you don't like the possibilities. "God, I trust You with my life." Even when you wish you could see five steps ahead. That's faith. Trust.

So...what are you carrying? Truly stop for a minute, take a breath, and ask yourself this question. Don't just give an easy answer, go deeper. What has been weighing on you? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to control? What emotions have you taken responsibility for? What are you holding onto because you're afraid to let go?  What are you replaying? Regretting? Grieving? What are you trying desperately to fix? What are you carrying that God never asked you to carry? 

What would happen if you gave it to Him? Maybe you don't know, and that's okay. You don't have to know what happens after surrender. You just have to decide whether you're willing to trust the One you're surrendering it to. Because God doesn't promise that everything you give Him will immediately change. But He does promise that you don’t have to carry it alone.

Put it down. Maybe today is the day you put something down. Not because it doesn't matter, but because it matters too much to keep carrying it by yourself. It might be a person, a relationship, your future, your past, your job. An apology you can't force, forgiveness you are struggling to give, or maybe it's the need to be understood. It could be control, pressure to be everything to everyone, the belief that if you're not useful you're not valuable. Maybe it's simply the exhausting need to have all the answers. Whatever it is...bring it to God. Bring it however you need to, and open your hands.

My prayer over you, over the person who is carrying too much.

God, you know what we're carrying. Even the things we haven't said out loud. You know the weight behind the smile and the fear behind the confidence. You know the exhaustion behind every "I'm fine." You know the things we have picked up because we thought we had to and you know the things we've held onto because we are afraid to let go. And God, we're tired. Some of us are tired in ways that we don't even know how to explain. We're tired of trying to control things that we can't and we are tired of being strong. We are tired of pretending to have answers for everything and we are tired of carrying tomorrow. We are tired of carrying people, the past, the future, expectations, and everything in between that You have never asked us to carry. So today, Lord, we open our hands. We give You our fear, disappointment, relationships, unanswered questions, our past and future, and the things we cannot fix. Teach us to trust You with what we cannot control. Teach us to recognize the difference between responsibility and control. Teach us that resting isn't weakness and that asking for help isn't failure. Teach us that being human isn't something we need to apologize for. And when we inevitably pick these things back up, gently remind us that we have already given it to You. Help us trust You enough to leave it there. We don't need to know what tomorrow holds, only that You are the One who holds it. And if that is all that we know today, let it be enough. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

There is a God who sees you, cares for you, and He says "come to me." Bring it all, open your hands, and put it down. Then leave it there. Jesus loves you, and I do, too.

A Thank You Letter to the People Who Made Me Who I am

Dear you, 

    Yes, you. And you. And even you. This letter is for the people who have crossed my path and, whether you realized it or not, left something behind. Some of you left love. Some left lessons. Some left scars. Some left laughter that I still remember even years later. Some left so quietly that I didn't realize your absence was a lesson until much later. And some of you probably have no idea that you helped shape the person that I am today. So, this is a thank you. Not because everything you did was right. Not because every relationship was healthy. Not because every goodbye was easy. But because somewhere along the way, each of you became a sentence in the story of who I am. And I've learned that you don't have to be grateful for what happened to be grateful for what you learned from it. 

    Thank you to the people who loved me well. You taught me what it feels like to be known and still chosen. You showed me that love doesn't always have to be loud. Sometimes it is a phone call, a meal, a ride home, a hand on my shoulder when words aren't enough. You showed me that there are people who will celebrate my victories without secretly competing with me. People who will sit with me in my worst moments without making me feel like a burden. People who will remind me of who I am when I've temporarily forgotten. Because of you, I learned that love can be safe. And perhaps more importantly, I learned what kind of person I want to be for someone else.

    Thank you to the people who hurt me. This one is harder, because I do not want to romanticize pain. I don't want to pretend that being hurt was necessary or that what happened to me was somehow okay because something good eventually came from it. Some things simply hurt. Some people should have treated me better. Some apologies never came. Some doors closed without explanation. And some wounds took much longer to heal from than I thought they should. But somewhere in the middle of healing, I learned things about myself. I learned that I could survive things I once thought would destroy me. I learned that forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation. I learned that boundaries aren't cruelty. I learned that someone's inability to love me properly was never proof that I was unlovable. And I learned that I don't want to become the kind of person who hurts people simply because I have been hurt. So, thank you - not for the pain itself, but for the lessons I carried out of it.

    Thank you to the people who left. There are people whose names I don't say anymore. Not because I hate them, and not because I wish them poorly. But because their chapter in my life ended, and that's okay. For a long time, I thought every ending needed an explanation. I thought closure had to come from another conversation, another apology, another chance to say everything I never got to say. I've learned that sometimes closure is simply accepting that something ended. Some people are meant to walk beside us for years. Some for seasons. Some for only a few pages. And just because someone wasn't meant to stay doesn't mean their presence was meaningless. Thank you for the season. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the version of me that existed while you were there. And thank you for teaching me that letting go isn't always losing. Sometimes it's making room.

    Thank you to the people who believed in me before I believed in myself. You saw something in me that I couldn't see. You encouraged me when I was convinced I was not capable. You reminded me that I had something worth saying. You celebrated little victories that felt insignificant to everyone else. You told me to keep going when quitting would've been easier. Maybe you don't even realize how much those moments mattered, but they did. Sometimes we become who we are because someone else was willing to believe in us until we learned how to believe in ourselves.Y ou were part of that for me and I will always be grateful.

    Thank you to the people who challenged me. Not everyone who challenged me was trying to tear me down. Some of you loved me enough to tell me the truth. You questioned my assumptions. You called me out when I was wrong. You refused to let me stay comfortable simply because comfortable was easier. I didn't always appreciate it at the time. Actually, sometimes I really didn't appreciate it. But growth rarely feels comfortable while it's happening. You taught me that being a good person doesn't always mean being right. That changing my mind is not weakness and that apologizing didn't make me smaller. And that sometimes the most loving thing someone can do is tell us the truth we don't want to hear.

    Thank you to the people who made me laugh. Because not every lesson has to be painful. Some of you gave me memories that still make me smile. The ridiculous conversations, the inside jokes, the nights that turned into mornings. The moments that made absolutely no sense but somehow became unforgettable. Thank you for reminding me that life isn't meant to be taken seriously every second of every day. Thank you for the laughter, the ridiculousness, the memories I didn't know would become memories when they were happening. There is something beautiful about realizing that some of the ordinary moments we barely noticed were actually some of the best parts of our lives.

    Thank you to the people who taught me what I don't want to become. That may sound strange, but you taught me too. You showed me what bitterness looks like. What pride looks like. What manipulation looks like. What happens when someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions. You showed me the consequences of living without grace. And while I never want to become like the people who hurt me, I also don't want to spend my life defined by them. So I took the lesson and left the rest behind. I learned what kind of person I don't want to be and I started becoming intentional about who I do want to be.

    Thank you to the people who prayed for me. Some of you prayed when I didn't know how to pray for myself. You prayed when I was tired, confused, hurting. You prayed for me when I was trying to figure out where God was in the middle of everything. And maybe I never told you how much that meant...so let me tell you now. Thank you. There are some battles we don't even realize we were being carried through because someone else was faithfully bringing our name before God. I will never take that kind of love lightly.

    And thank you to the person I used to be. I almost forgot about you. The younger version of me who didn't know what I know now. The girl who made so many mistakes. Who trusted the wrong people. Who sometimes stayed too long or left too quickly. Who didn't always know how to speak up or how to say no. Or even how to say no loud enough for it to make a difference. Who had dreams she eventually abandoned and dreams she eventually rediscovered. Who thought she had to have everything figured out. Who didn't understand that becoming yourself isn't something that happens overnight. Thank you for making mistakes and for even trying. Thank you for surviving the days you weren't sure you could. Thank you for getting back up. Thank you for continuing to believe that there had to be something more. I don't look back on you with embarrassment anymore, I look back with tenderness. You were doing the best you could with what you knew. And because you kept going, I get to be here now.

    And finally, thank you, God. Because when I look back at my life, I see people. But when I look a little closer, I see Your fingerprints too. I see the doors that closed and the doors that opened. The relationships that changed me. I see the prayers that weren't answered the way I wanted, while also seeing the moments I thought were endings that turned out to be beginnings. The places that I was certain I was alone, only to realize later that You had never left. You used people to touch my life. You used experiences to grow me. You used heartbreak to soften places in me that had become hard. You used love to remind me that through my relationship with Jesus, I am worth loving. You used loss to teach me how to hold things loosely. And somehow, through all of it, You kept making me. You're still making me. Because I don't think becoming who we're meant to be is ever really finished on this side of Heaven. We're all still becoming, still learning, still unlearning, still healing and growing. Still figuring out what to carry and what to leave behind. 

    So to every person who has been a part of my story: Thank you. Thank you for the good, the lessons, the laughter, the memories, and the moments that changed me. And even for the moments that broke me open enough for God to begin rebuilding something better. I don't need every chapter to have been beautiful to appreciate the story. I don't need every person to have treated me well to acknowledge that they have helped shape me. And I don't need to keep everyone in my life to be grateful that they were once in it. Some people gave me pieces of themselves, some gave me pieces of wisdom. Some gave me pieces of their heart while some gave me scars. Yet somehow, God took all of those pieces and made something out of them. Something that is still becoming. Something imperfect and still under construction. But something I am learning to love.

So, if you've ever been part of me life - even briefly - thank you. You helped make me who I am. And I hope that someday, when I look back at the life I have lived, I can say the same thing about the people I've encountered: I didn't just pass through their lives. I left them with something good, too. Because perhaps that's the real goal. Not to be remembered by everyone and not to be liked by everyone or even leave behind a perfect legacy. But to have loved people well enough that somewhere, in some small way, their lives are a little better because we were there. That's the kind of person I want to become. And perhaps that's the greatest thank you I could ever give.

Praise Goes First

At church, Pastor Jon has been teaching us that Judah goes first. In Hebrew, the name Judah means, "praise," "thanksgiving," or "let God be praised." Now this should be a standard practice in the life of a Christ follower. Not because everything is always good and not because we always understand. But because God is worthy before the answer arrives.

Praise before the breakthrough - We often treat praise like the celebration at the end;

~ God answered > now I will praise Him.

~ The diagnosis changed > now I will praise Him.

~ The relationship was restored > now I will praise Him.

~ The door opened > now I will praise Him.

But Scripture repeatedly shows people praising before they knew how the story would end. That is a radically different kind of worship. It is saying, "I don't know what You're going to do, but I know Who You are."

Praise before the prayer is answered - There is something powerful about praying "God, I am asking You for this," but following it up with "but before I see what You do, I want You to know that I trust You." We do not praise God as a way of manipulating Him into giving us what we want. Praise is not spiritual bribery. We praise because His goodness isn't dependent upon whether He gives us the answer we requested. We would do well to remember that.

Praise when life isn't praiseworthy - Now praise does not man pretending that pain doesn't exist. The Psalms are full of moments of the writer essentially saying, "God, this hurts. I don't understand this. Where are You?" And then they turn their eyes back toward Him. Biblical praise is not denial. It is direction;

~ I'm hurting, but I'm looking toward God.

~ I'm afraid, but I'm looking toward God.

~ I'm disappointed, but I'm looking toward God.

~ I don't understand, but I'm looking toward God.

Praise changes our posture before it changes our circumstances - we should want to know how God wants to change us in a season before we wonder when He will change the season. I am unsure if you have ever noticed how your posture changes, but for me it has looked something like this... I enter prayer carrying anxiety. I begin worship carrying fear. I start to thank God while my circumstances are still unresolved. Then somewhere along the way, my shoulders drop and my perspective shifts. The mountain is still there, but I am no longer staring at the mountain. I am looking at the One who stands above it.

Jehoshaphat: sending praise into battle first - 2 Chronicles 20, Judah is facing an overwhelming enemy. But instead of putting the musicians at the back of the army, Jehoshaphat sends worshippers ahead. Praise went first. They didn't wait until the battle was over to worship. They worshipped while the enemy was still approaching. Praise is not always a response to the battle being won. Sometimes praise is how we remind ourselves that God is still God while the battle is raging.

Paul and Silas: praise in the prison - Acts 16 shows another picture of this. They are beaten, imprisoned, chained. And at midnight, they pray and sing hymns. Not after the prison doors are opened. Before. That was the kind or praise that didn't depend on circumstances. They did not have evidence that their situation was about to change, yet they worshipped anyway. That is when the earthquake came. But their worship wasn't conditional upon the earthquake. They praised before the miracle.

Jericho: obedience and praise before the walls fell - Joshua and Israel marched around Jericho. The walls had not fallen yet, they had no visible evidence that anything was happening, they just simply obeyed. Eventually, they shouted, and the walls fell. But notice there was silence prior to the shout. Sometimes God asks us to walk around something that hasn't yet changed, and perhaps part of faith is learning how to praise while we're still walking. 

"I praise You because You are good" vs "I praise You because things are good" - these are two completely different types of praise. "I praise because things are good" means that my worship is attached to circumstances. "I praise You because You are good" means my worship is attached to God's character, and that is how it was always meant to be. Things change, God does not. My circumstances can shift, God's faithfulness doesn't. People can leave, God never will. Doors can close, God remains sovereign. And that is why praise can go first.

Praise is not payment for blessings - we do NOT praise God so He'll give us more. We do NOT worship so that He will owe us something. God is not a vending machines and praise is not transactional. It is a relationship and recognizing God for Who He is.

Praise can be a weapon - not in a mystical "say the right words and force something to happen" way. But praise can absolutely be a weapon against:

- despair

- fear

- hopelessness

- bitterness

- self-reliance

- anxiety

- temptation

When everything around us is screaming that God isn't here, praise allows us to answer, "But I know He is."

Jesus is the ultimate reason praise goes first - Christian praise is not based merely on what God might do for us. It is based on what God has already done through Christ. There is already salvation, grace, the cross, the fact that Jesus gave Himself for us. Therefore, we do not have to wait for another reason to praise. We already have one.

The danger of only praising after the victory - if we only praise when God does what we want, we're not really practicing unconditional worship. We're practicing conditional gratitude. Now that is not to say that there is something wrong with celebrating God'd blessings, because we absolutely should. But our praise should not disappear when the blessing does. Job gives the greatest example of this. His circumstances changed dramatically for the worse, but his relationship with God wasn't supposed to be based on what God could give him, and it wasn't.

So praise in the waiting. Praise when God says "no." Praise as remembrance for what He has already done. Praise before an answer has been given. Praise before walking into that doctor's office. Praise before looking at your bank account. Praise before the door opens. Praise before the walls fall. Praise before the miracle. Praise, not because we know what God is going to do, but because we know Who God is.

Praise goes first because God goes first - our praise goes first, but ultimately God went first;

~ He loved first.

~ He pursued first.

~ He extended grace first.

~ He made a way first.

~ He sent Jesus first.

Our praise is a response to something God has already initiated, and it is the ONE thing we can give back to God that He Himself has not given us. That is such an honor.

Maybe praise was never meant to be the period at the end of the testimony. Maybe it was meant to be the first sentence of our faith.

Things That Feel Rude, but Actually Aren't

Weird topic, yeah? But we live in a time where so many people constantly live in a place of offense, when most times it doesn't add up to being a justifiable reaction. So let's talk about it.

There are things that can sometimes feel rude, but they aren't. They are just uncomfortable. And because we are so accustomed to keeping everyone else comfortable, we can mistake our own discomfort for someone else's wrongdoing. We think we are being rude when really we're really just being honest. We think we are being selfish when we're really just setting a boundary. We think we're being cold when we're really just tired. We think we're being difficult when we're simply saying, "no, that does not work for me." Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that being a good person meant being agreeable, available, accommodating, and easy to deal with. Let's look at a some big examples, shall we...

Saying "No" without writing a novel about it. "No" is a complete sentence. Yet some of us still feel obligated to provide a PowerPoint presentation explaining why we can't attend dinner, take on another responsibility, rearrange our schedule, or do something we simply don't want to do. Sometime a simple, "I'm not able to do that", is enough. You don't owe everyone the entire story behind your decision. You can be respectful without being endlessly explanatory.

Not answering immediately. A text is not a summons. Just because someone cna reach you instantly doesn't mean you're required to respond instantly. You might be working, driving, spending time with your family, reading, or simply may not feel like talking. And that is OKAY. Being available twenty-four hours a day isn't a requirement of being a good friend, spouse, family member, or human being. Sometimes the most respectful thing you can do it put the phone down and actually be where you are.

Leaving without saying goodbye to everyone. Sometimes you have reached your social limit. You've smiled, talked, laughed, participated, and now you are ready to go home. This doesn't mean you are angry and it doesn't mean that you hate anyone, nor does it mean that you didn't enjoy yourself. Sometimes you are simply done, and that is allowed.

Not wanting to explain yourself. There is a difference between accountability and constant justification. If you're made a decision that affects someone else. of course communication matters, but not every personal decision requires a committee meeting. You don't have to convince everyone that your choice is valid before you're allowed to make it. Sometimes, "this is what I've decided", is enough.

Changing your mind. You are allowed to change your mind. About plans, relationships, jobs, where you want to live, what you want your life to look like, what you thought you wanted five years ago...changing your mind doesn't automatically make you unreliable. It means you've learned something. Sometimes you have grown, and sometimes it means the person you are today has difference information that the person you were yesterday. Growth has a funny way of changing our answers. 

Not wanting to talk about it. "I'm not ready to talk about it", isn't necessarily avoidance. Sometimes it is wisdom. There are things we need to process privately before we can articulate them publicly. There are feelings we have not figured out. There are wounds that do not need an audience. You are allowed to say, "I don't want to talk about it right now." And you do not have to apologize for protecting something that is still tender.

Not returning the same energy someone gives you. This one can be especially difficult. Someone is rude to you, you don't become rude back. Someone gossips about you, you do not join the gossip. Someone gives you the silent treatment, you don't chase them around the room begging to know what's wrong. Someone continually crosses your boundaries, you don't keep making yourself available just to prove you're a good person. Sometimes people will call that cold. Let them. Kindness doesn't require you to participate in the dysfunction. 

Leaving a conversation. You don’t have to stay in every argument until someone finally agrees with you. Sometimes there is nothing productive left to say. Sometimes the conversation has crossed a line, you become too angry to communicate well. And sometimes you realize that continuing isn't going to create understanding - it's just going to create more damage. "I don't think this conversation is productive anymore. Let's talk later." That's not rude, that is restraint.

Not taking the bait. Not every comment deserves a response. Not every accusation deserves a defense. Not every social media post needs your opinion. Not every person who misunderstands you need to be corrected. There is a tremendous amount of freedom in realizing: I don't have to attend every argument I am invited to. Silence isn't always weakness, sometimes it is maturity. 

Letting someone be disappointed. This might be the hardest one of all. Someone can be disappointed in you without you having done something wrong. Someone can disagree with you, misunderstand you, or wish you had made a different decision, yet you can still be okay. We don't get to control everyone's feelings about us. Sometimes we have to let people experience their disappointment without rushing in to make it disappear. Because if your entire life is built around preventing other people from being disappointed, eventually you will become deeply disappointed with yourself. And that is a much heavier price to pay.

So maybe we need to redefine "rude". Maybe what feels rude is simply unfamiliar. We are used to over-explaining, overextending, answering immediately, keeping the peace at our own expense, saying yes when we mean no. So when we finally start doing something difference, it can feel wrong. But uncomfortable does not automatically mean wrong. And disappointing someone does not automatically mean you've disappointed God.

There are big differences between being unkind and unavailable. Being selfish and having needs. Being cold and having boundaries. There is a difference between being difficult and refusing to abandon yourself. You can be kind without being constantly accessible. You can be generous without giving everything away. You can love people without fixing them. You can how boundaries without becoming bitter. And you can say no without becoming a bad person.

Maybe some of the things we've been calling "rude" are actually just the first signs that we're learning how to live a little more honestly. And maybe that's not something we need to apologize for.

 

Uncomfortable Topic: Bitterness

Bitterness is an ugly emotion, but one that is so easy to carry without realizing, because it rarely starts out as bitterness. Most times it begins as hurt.

• a wound that was not acknowledged
• an apology that never came
• a prayer that seemed unanswered
• a betrayal we didn't deserve (careful when deciding what we do/don't deserve..you don't want me on that soap box, I promise)
• a season that took more than it gave
• person who kept hurting us
• a dream God didn't allow to happen

When hurt is not surrendered, it can slowly become something else. 

What is bitterness?

 - It is not simply being angry or disappointed. Bitterness is what happens when pain is nursed instead of processed, surrendered, and healed. We can be genuinely wronged and still become bitter. The existence of an injustice doesn't make bitterness righteous. Being hurt is not a sin, but what we do with that hurt matters. You can acknowledge that someone hurt you without allowing what they did to become the lens through which you see everything else moving forward.

How does bitterness develop?

 - Hurt > Anger > Resentment > Rehearsing > Bitterness

We get hurt, and then we think about it. We replay the conversation and imagine what we should have said. Then we tell the story again and start collecting evidence. Eventually, the event that originally hurt us may be years behind us, yet we are still carrying it. That's one of the most heartbreaking things about bitterness...the person who hurt you may have moved on while you're still paying the emotional rent. And sometimes the person we are bitter toward doesn't even know we're carrying it.

Bitterness changes more than our relationship with the person who hurt us.

 - Bitterness has a way of spreading. It can make us suspicious of people who HAVEN'T hurt us. It can make us expect disappointment and it can make kinds feel manipulative. It can make vulnerability feel dangerous and we can even start to interpret innocent things through old wounds. And then eventually we are no longer responding to what is happening, but rather we are responding to what happened (past tense). Sometimes we are not reacting to the person in front of us, we are reacting to the person who hurt is prior to the present moment. And that is no way to live a life where we are meant to cultivate and nurture relationships.

But Ephesians 4:31-32 says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, will all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Paul does not say "stop being bitter", but to put it away, become tenderhearted, and forgive.

Then Hebrews 12:15 says, "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled."

You do not wake up one morning and have a fully frown tree of bitterness. There is a seed, then a root, and then something begins growing beneath the surface, eventually giving way to this hidden thing producing fruit. 

Ask yourself, "What have I allowed to take root in me because I was unwilling to let God heal it?"

Colossians 3:13 tells us, "Bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also might forgive."

Not because what happened didn't matter, but because Christ matters more.

How do we actually get rid of bitterness?

 - NAME IT. Call it for what it was and how it made you feel.

 - GRIEVE IT. Some things need to be mourned before they can be released. 

 - RELEASE THE DEBT. Forgiving is not saying that what someone did was okay, but it means that you refuse to spend the rest of your life demanding from them what they can no longer give you. And sometimes forgiveness is something that we have to surrender to God over and over again. And that is quite alright.

 - SET BOUNDARIES WHEN NECESSARY. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not synonymous. You can forgive someone and still decide they don't have access to you. You can release resentment without restoring trust. And you can absolutely love someone from a healthy distance. 

 - LET GOD DEAL WITH WHAT YOU CANNOT. Romans 12:19 tells us, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord". 

Obviously the main goal is not to forget what happened, but to remember it without allowing it to own you. To be able to say, "it hurt me, it changed me, but doesn't get to define me", while also being able to confidently and truthful say "God, I give this to You." Surrender does not have to be some big dramatic moment where everything suddenly feels okay. It can look like waking up tomorrow and choosing not to rehearse the offense again. And the next day, choosing it again. And again.

Eventually, something that once had roots in you no longer has the same hold. The wound may be part of your story, but it does not have to be the author of it.

Who Are You When You're Not Useful?

Do you know who you are when you are not actively doing something for someone else?

Most all of us know how to be:

 - the dependable one

 - the helper

 - the listener

 - the problem solver

 - the caretaker

 - the encourager

 - the strong one

 - the responsible one

 - the one who always says yes

 - the one who everyone calls when something goes wrong

But who are you when nobody needs anything from you? I truly want you to ask yourself these questions, and really think about what the true answers are.

Who are you when you aren't fixing something?

Who are you when you aren't producing?

Who are you when you aren't taking care of someone?

Who are you when you aren't accomplishing anything?

Who are you when you're resting?

Who are you when you are sick, tired, depressed, overwhelmed, unemployed, grieving, or simply having a season where you don't have much to give?

Now after you have answered these questions, I want you to take a moment and think about how easily usefulness can become an identity. How we can sometimes not just enjoy being helpful, but begin to believe the lie that "if I am useful, I am valuable". These are two completely different things. 

Do you ever feel like because people need you, you matter? What about if because you are productive, you're worthy? Or if because you're helping someone, you have purpose? Maybe even if because you're accomplishing something, you are doing enough? Okay, so now look at it from a place of what happens when you can't? What happens when you don't have anything to offer, no one needs your advice, you are not the one holding everything together? Do you believe "I am valuable because of who I am" OR "I am valuable because of what I can provide"?

Useful is not the same thing as loved. Hear me (or read me...?) when I say this. Useful is NOT the same as loved. Someone can need what you do without truly knowing you, and someone can love you when you have absolutely nothing to offer them. That is an important distinction. You do not want to be loved because you are useful, you want to be loved because you're you.

God did not create you because He needed another employee. He did not save you because you are exceptionally productive. He does not measure your worth by your output. You do not have to impress God into loving you. You do not have to exhaust yourself earning what He freely gives. 

Delilah, what if rest makes me uncomfortable? My question back to you is why does doing nothing sometimes make you feel guilty? Why do we sit down after completing everything on our list and immediately think: "I should probably be doing something". Why does rest sometimes feel like laziness and why do we feel compelled to justify it? "I cleaned the house, so now I can sit down" or "I worked all week, I deserve a day off". But here is the kicker...what if rest does not have to be earned? What if you are allowed to exist without producing?

I know there are a lot of people like me out there, whether they voice it or not, and a really hard question to confront is "what happens when the person who everyone depends on becomes the person who needs to be carried?", and it can feel like a gut punch. It can hurt to ask your own self this questions because sometimes the hardest thing for a capable person isn't learning how to help others. It's learning how to receive help without feeling like a burden.

It can be very difficult and uncomfortable to learn how to sit with yourself and that be enough. But in order to get there, you have to be able to ask yourself "who am I?" and give a true response. None of the earlier questions of what do you do, what do you accomplish, what do you provide, what do people need from you, what are you good at, what can you fix. 

Instead I want to know:

 - what makes you laugh?

 - what makes you curious?

 - what do you love?

 - what brings you peace?

 - what makes you feel alive?

 - what are your little joys?

 - what do you enjoy when nobody is watching?

 - what would you choose if you didn't have to justify its usefulness?

 

I know that I started out heavy handed here, but I do always try to land this in a place where you can reflect and see things from a different perspective that maybe you've never thought of before.

Before you were useful, you were loved.

Before you accomplished anything, you had worth because of the price paid by Jesus Christ and His blood that was shed for you. Before anyone needed you, God knew you. You are not God's employee or His project manger, and you are not valuable to Him because of how much you accomplish for Him. You are His creation. His beloved. His child. Your purpose didn't begin when you became useful, and it does not disappear when you become tired.

Don't you know that Jesus Himself rested? Jesus withdrew, He slept, He ate. Jesus spent time with people without always having to accomplish something measurable. 

* Jesus withdrew to pray and be alone with the Father. He left big crowds behind even when people still looked for Him. He spent hours talking to the Father without doing miracles or teaching. Luke 5:16

* Jesus slept deeply during a violent storm on the sea. He did not try and fix the weather or organize his disciples until they woke Him up. He showed peaceful rest in the middle of danger. Mark 4:38

* Jesus ate with sinners (praise God for that one, because I don't ever want a meal that Jesus can't join in on). He sat at dinner tables in Bethany and other towns just to share food. Meals took hours and built close friendships. Luke 19:5-7

* Jesus sat and talked with Mary while Martha did all the work. He told Martha that Mary chose the better thing by just sitting with Him. He spent time talking without a big sermon or public healing. Luke 10:38-42

Now the goal here is not to become less useful, but maybe to stop believing that usefulness is the reason that you have purpose.

So tell me, if everything you do for everyone else was suddenly taken away, would you still know who you are? Would you still know Whose you are?

A Letter to the Person Who is Exhausted

This is a letter to the person who is exhausted. The person who is exhausted from...

 - being strong for everyone all the time.

 - praying the same prayer over and over.

 - trying to hold together things they cannot control.

 - feeling like they are falling behind in life.

 - being the dependable one.

 - carrying grief nobody sees.

 - fighting battles they don't have words for.

 - constantly pouring out and rarely being poured into.

 - wondering when God is finally going to answer.

 - feeling guilty because they are exhausted even though they know God is good.

 - smiling when they're barely holding themselves together.

 - going to bed tired and waking up tired.

 - being tired of being tired.

 - wondering if you have said the wrong thing.

 - replaying conversations after they have come and gone.

 - feeling like you have to carefully choose every word around certain people.

 - feeling like no matter how much you explain yourself, someone has already decided who you are.

 - the pain of outgrowing people.

 - being happy for people while wondering, "when will it be my turn?'.

 - trying to be someone that you yourself can be proud of.

 - being everyone's safe space.

 - having to make decisions.

 - being responsible for your own healing.

 - pretending something doesn't hurt anymore.

 - constantly adapting.

 - carrying guilt for things that aren't yours.

 - being afraid to disappoint people.

 - constantly having to start over.

 - missing who you used to be.

 - not knowing what is next.

 - praying for everyone else and never yourself.

 - not knowing how to let go.

 

I promise you that I could continue adding to this list, because we all have things that we carry whether we realize it or not, and that baggage eventually gets too heavy and it begins to weigh us down. And it doesn't always seem obvious to us that we are exhausted, because it can start out as just feeling a little tired. But if you are sitting here wondering "does this apply to me?", I just want to say that if the progression I point out next sounds like something you needed, apply it like lotion, my friend.

At first everything is just fine. Life is life, not perfect but you're managing. You have the energy to deal with the hard things, you pray, you keep going. You laugh and you make plans, telling people you're good - and you genuinely believe that you are. But then you become tired. Not necessarily physically, but you're tired of having the same conversation. You are tired of waiting, tired of trying, tired of being disappointed. You are tired of having to make decisions and pretending that something doesn't bother you. You are tired of wondering when something is going to change, but you keep going because you're okay. At least that is what you are telling yourself. Then tired becomes exhausted. And once you become exhausted, that exhaustion starts changing the way you experience everything around you. Things that normally would not bother you suddenly do. Small inconveniences feel enormous, you don't have the patience that you used to. You no longer want to talk or explain anything, and the last thing you want from someone is advice. You just want everything to stop for a minute. Then next thing you know, you are looking at yourself in the mirror trying to remember the last time you actually felt like yourself.

But here is your good news; God never asked you to carry what He has asked you to surrender. There is a difference between enduring something with God and trying to carry something without Him. Sometimes we say we are trusting God while still mentally carrying the entire situation. We are praying, "God I give this to You", but then five minutes later we are picking it back up. We start replaying it, analyzing it, planning for every possible outcome, and trying to figure out how to control what happens next, all while wondering when God will move. But we fail to realize that we are exhausted because we're carrying something that we told God we gave Him. That is very much in our human nature, and it does not mean that we don't trust God. It means we are learning what surrender actually looks like.

And surrender is not saying, "I don't care anymore". It is saying, "I care deeply, but I trust You more than I trust myself to control the outcome". That is powerful. Because giving something to God doesn't necessarily mean the circumstance immediately changes. Sometimes the circumstance stays exactly the same - but YOU do not. The problem may still be there, the unanswered prayer may still be unanswered. People may still be difficult, and the future still uncertain. But suddenly you are not carrying it alone. And that's where peace comes in. Not the peace of "everything worked out", but the peace of "I don't know how this is going to work out, but I know Who holds it".

Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Notice that the scripture does not promise that when we pray, the problem disappears. It says His peace comes.

Now peace is not necessarily happiness. But peace is what allows us to stop living in survival mode. And once we are no longer constantly bracing ourselves for the next thing, we can begin to notice things again...

The coffee tastes good. Sunlight shining in through your windows. The song you love. A conversation with someone you love. Your dogs lying next to you. A good book. Laughter. A quiet morning. Worship. A prayer that isn't desperate, but grateful. Next thing you realize is that you're no longer just surviving, but you're experiencing joy again. You are experiencing joy again because exhaustion is no longer the lens which you saw everything.

Of course you do not have to wait until you are completely exhausted to give it to God. Go ahead and give it to him when you're okay, when you're tired. Give it to him before tired becomes exhausted. And if you're already exhausted? Come anyway. There is no shame arriving at Jesus' feet with nothing left. Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". Not "fix yourself and then come". Not "get stronger and then come". Come. That's the invitation.

You were never meant to live exhausted.

You were meant to live surrendered.

And there is a difference.

Give it to God, do not pick it back up, and lean into the peace and joy that only God can give you.

When Taking Care of Things Feels Like a Thankless Job

Every single one of us have chores that we have to take care of on a weekly basis, and sometimes it truly can feel like a thankless job. I have days where the last thing I want to do is vacuum the thousands of dog hairs off my couch or clean out my bathroom sink. I definitely do not enjoy having to clean out the litter boxes and folding clothes is my least favorite of all. But when I step back and think about this, each of these things is a blessing that often gets overlooked by myself and others who typically despise household chores. 

These things are blessings in the fact that I even HAVE a couch that I get to clean and maintain, taking care of such an investment. Without my couch, it would make hosting friends and family a bit harder because there would not be anywhere comfortable for them to sit. So when vacuuming the couch, I have the opportunity to first thank the Lord that I had the finances to be able to purchase the type of couch I wanted, and then I get to pray over every future person that will sit in these seats and spend time there. I get to pray for their well being and that they feel so loved when they are visiting. That is special. 

If I did not have a sink that needed to be cleaned, where would I stand every day with my husband next to me while brushing my teeth? Where would I get ready on Sunday mornings, knowing that I am going to worship with people I love and that I will experience the presence of God? I have reasons to be grateful that I have a sink with running water, as it is a privilege and not a right. 

While again there is not much to enjoy about cleaning litter boxes and the hide-aways in which they stay, I know that I am the reason these cats have a home where they are warm, fed, safe, and loved. I can remind myself that three out of the four are truly rescues that may not have made it far in this life if I did not get the chance to step in and intervene. I picked Fig out of a litter, and went back for her sister Clementine when the original people failed to show up for her. I saved Plum in the winter at a random Dollar General where she was skin and bones, starving for food and affection. Now she is a very plump Plum. And Scar, I watched him run across highway 431 in Albertville at six o'clock in the morning and get hit. I was the only person who stopped and went back for him. He would not have made it out of that road alive if I would not have pulled into the turn lane and ran down the middle of that highway to get him. So taking care of their liter boxes is my way of being able to love and take care of the creatures God created. That is incredibly special.

Gun to my head, folding clothes isn't the worst thing in the world, but it makes my back hurt and I hurt enough without the added help. But again, I get to be grateful that I have clothes to wear and a washer and dryer in which to clean them and rewear them with confidence. So instead of grumbling, when I decide to take on that chore and give Justin a break, I get to pray over every shirt and pair of pants that we will wear in the days to come and help ensure that we are wearing the armor of God each day. How cool is that?

Finding ways to see the blessings in the chores and responsibilities we have can change a lot about how we are inside the walls of our home. And our homes are our first ministry. Private victories in patience, love, and grace in your home must come before public leadership. 

I pray that this will help you view your chores differently and makes it easier to see Jesus and the many blessings you have in this life. 

Healthy Boundaries Aren't Selfish

In this day and age, I believe setting healthy and biblical boundaries is very important. Boundaries within your personal life, your marriage, friendships, and even with extended family. And despite what someone's emotional feelings say, protecting your peace is not petty, it is spiritual warfare. So let's talk about it.

There are three pillars of healthy limits, and ways to apply those to your life. 

1. The power of "yes" and "no" -

    - Jesus stripped away legalistic oaths and demanded radical clarity. Reference Matthew 5:37 for context.

 - Codependency often forces a "yes" out of guilt or fear of rejection, but true biblical love must be voluntary. If you cannot say no freely, your yes means nothing.

2. The law of sowing and reaping - 

    - Boundaries allow the natural consequences of poor behavior to fall on the person who made the choice. Reference Galatians 6:7 for context.

 - If you constantly step in to rescue an irresponsible person (partner, family member, or friend) from their financial, emotional, or professional crises, you are intercepting the very consequences God may be using to correct them.

3. Guarding the sanctuary -

    - Your life if a stewardship. You are the manager of the time, energy, and talents that God has given you. Reference Proverbs 4:23 for context.

 - Guarding is an active, protective measure. If you allow toxic behavior, constant negativity, or manipulation to floor your life, your inner sanctuary becomes depleted and it will leave you unable to serve God and others effectively.

There are also plenty of misconceptions about boundaries, but God's Word shows us what is true when it comes to drawing this line in the sand and protecting your peace.

 "Boundaries are unloving" - Why is that incorrect? 

* True love refuses to enable destructive behavior. (Proverbs 27:6)

 "Submission means enduring abuse" - How is this not true?

* Jesus and Paul both used legal rights and physical distance to escape physical harm. (John 8:59, Acts 16:37)

 "Forgiveness means instant trust" - How can this not be right?

* Forgiveness is free and immediate; trust must be earned back over time through fruit. (Luke 3:8)

 "Setting limits is selfish" - Can this be proven wrong? 

* Keeping yourself spiritually and emotionally healthy allows you to love others sustainably. (Mark 6:31)

Now setting these boundaries will not be easy, there is going to be those who really push back and even try to twist things around and try to convince you that you are the bad guy and that what you are choosing to do is unbiblical. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with protecting your peace against toxic environments when done in love and truth. Here are a few practical steps that you can take if you ever find yourself in a place where you need to put some separation between you and someone in your life.

1. Identify the property line - Clearly state what you will and will not tolerate. 

Example: If you choose to do X, I will respond by doing Y

2. Embrace the discomfort - Expect pushback. People who benefit from your lack of boundaries will rarely be happy when you create them.

3. Enforce consequences - A boundary without a consequence is just good advice. If someone breaches the line, follow through with your stated response immediately. 

The Bible supports healthy boundaries by teaching self-control, personal responsibility, and how to guard your heart. Scripture does command us to love others, but it also shows that setting limits is a wise and godly practice. 

Pray over the situation and ask the Lord to guide your decisions. Be confident in what you are asking of the Lord, trusting that He will help you and will come through for you. Seek council from people in your life that you trust and know are strong in their faith. Be strong in your convictions and stand firm. 

Being Faithful Through Discouragement

We are all going to go through hard times and we will all experience discouragement and disappointment. While it is good to acknowledge these emotions and grieve the outcome we thought we would get, we shouldn't let it deter us from how we react and respond to God.

I personally am having to walk through disappointment and I am extremely discouraged by circumstances right now. I worked very hard to get to the place that I currently am, and it stings to feel like I am not doing enough now that I have reached the place I prayed so hard to be. I am mad at myself for not meeting certain standards and I am frustrated that my health is playing a major part in not meeting those standards. From an outsiders POV, this is an easy fix, new goals can be met, and I can get to where I need to be in my professional career, being in the middle of it personally it is one of those "easier said than done" things. I know that I can do hard things, that has been proven in the past because the Lord does see us through, but when we are so close to the situation it can make it very difficult to see the whole picture.

Yes I have been having my pity party, with an attendance of one, and I have allowed myself to be in a foul mood. But I also still showed up and made sure I was reading scripture during this time. No I did not do a deep dive, but I still opened the bible app and read a chapter in Psalm and thanked the Lord for another day of having breath in my lungs. Why am I telling you this? To show that even when we don't really want to show up, we owe it to God to do it anyways. He sent His son to die for me, even on my worst of days, the least I can do is stay consistent with reading His Word. 

I am reminded that while I may not feel like my feet are on steady ground when it comes to my plans, the Lord Himself has plans for me that are based on the strongest foundation there is. When I get overwhelmed in my disappointment, He is the Comfort I crave. When I get angry at circumstances beyond my control, He is the Peace that I seek. When I feel the exhaustion seep into my bones, He is the Rest I need. 

I do not have to strive for perfection, as God has never asked that of His children. I can come to Him in any capacity and He only sees His daughter that He loves. That fact alone makes breathing a little easier. 

When you face things that have your emotions all over the place, remember where to go to reset. 

Psalm 61:2 - "when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Philippians 4:6-7 - "do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Isaiah 41:10 - "so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you."

1 Peter 5:7 - "cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you"

Psalm 46:1 - "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

I pray that you never forget that your strength is found in Christ, no matter what you encounter this side of Heaven. God cares so deeply for you, and there is nothing you could do to change that fact. I pray that when you experience hardships, you turn to the One who can provide a peace like no other, and that you find your rest in Him as well. There is no one who knows you better than the God that created you. 

Kitchen Table Discussions (Mini Series) - Church Hurt

Let's talk about church hurt. Something almost every single person who has attended church has experienced at least once in their life. Something that can be very damaging when not viewed through the appropriate lens, and that lens being the fact that just become someone is supposed to represent Christ, it doesn't mean that they are Christ. They are still human and still have flaws, just like you and I do. 

The Church is full of imperfect people. It is full of individuals who still have their own struggles and are in need of a Savior. That fact alone should make it easier to not allow the disappointment of a couple people within the church you attend to be the reason you stop going altogether and it certainly should not change the way you view Jesus Himself. People are going to fail you and they are going to disappoint you, that is why you should not put faith in them the way you do God. Learning to manage your expectations of people is a valuable life lesson.

Trust me when I tell you that I am not just giving this advice to give it, this is something I have first hand experience with and have had to work through myself. I attend a church that has a lot of people that walk through the doors and I have had several less than pleasant interactions with people who I still see on a weekly basis. Ranging from being pulled into someone else's fight and made to feel backed into a corner, to realizing that a relationship I thought was strong was apparently very shallow and I am still working through that hurt. Having to learn that not everyone means it when they say "if you need anything, I am here". But I do not go to church on Sunday's for the people, I go so that I get to participate in the corporate worship and I get to hear what our Pastor has been working on the Lord with. I go to experience the presence of God, not to hang out with people who may or may not even like me. 

Yes it is human nature to want to be liked and to want to avoid conflict, but we are not going to be for every single person, and that is quite alright. Living by my convictions, I know the Lord saw what took place and He understands the hurt I feel, but I know that I did not do anything wrong in these scenarios. I also know that I do not have to do anything else to try and mend the fences, because with the Lord's help I can forgive them (whether they know it or not) and I can move forward in peace. The Lord will handle things on my behalf, and all I have to just to shut up and be still. I do not need to blow anything out of proportion just because someone has shown me their true colors. That is something that will be handled between them and the Lord, and it does not need to cause me to pull away from church. If anything, it is a perfect opportunity to "pray for my enemies" so to speak. I can still attend church and be there for the correct reasons, and use that as the chance to pray for the people who have hurt me and ask that the Lord help me to forgive and offer grace.

Now just because I have forgiven the church hurt, does not mean that I have to allow it back into my life. Boundaries are healthy and I will 100% be touching on that topic here soon. Forgiveness does not equate to being someone's doormat. I can forgive, while also drawing a line to love someone from a distance. Sometimes it is better for everyone involved to have that distance and no longer pour into a relationship that is more damaging than healing, and doing so is not a failure. It is actually the mature response and these boundaries can be what leads to peace.

This doesn't mean that I would not allow myself to have a conversation with someone who has previously hurt me if they ask me to, but that I simply will not be seeking out that relationship anymore. If my absence does not prompt them to reach out, then it may mean it also provides them peace, and that's okay. In this life people do not owe us their time or friendship, nor do we owe someone else our time or friendship. If it is not a healthy relationship and it does not provide a positive, fruit bearing, uplifting environment, then it is best to just let it go and love from a distance.

So here are a few important reminders for you while you are trying to move past the church hurt in your life...

 - God validates your pain (Psalm 34:18)

 - The church is full of broken people (Matthew 7:15)

 - Distinguish people from God (2 Timothy 2:13)

 - Allow yourself to grieve (Psalm 55:12-14)

 - Prioritize safety and boundaries (2 Timothy 3:5)

 - Release vengeance to God (Romans 12:19)

Give it to God and let it go, remove the burden from your shoulders and forgive them so that you can live in peace and focus on what really matters. God sees you, friend, and so do I.

The Importance of Being Known

A lot of people underestimate how important it is to know what God says about His children. But it honestly is something very crucial to being able to survive this world we live in. If we do not know exactly what the Lord says about us, then we are more likely to believe what the enemy says about us instead. And I don't know about you, but I am going to pass on believing anything a lowly worm has to say about me when I have a King who thinks the world of me. Sorry not sorry, satan. 

Whether you are new to following Jesus or you have been following Him for years, it is a good idea to learn and know what God says about you and having that knowledge in your back pocket. Having this within reach mentally (or visually) will make it so much easier to take thoughts that are not of God captive and replace them with truth. So I just want to share some verses that you can add to your arsenal;

1. Identity and value -

Handcrafted: You are made with great care and wonder. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" - Psalm 139:14

A New Creation: Your past does not trap you; you are fresh and renewed in Christ. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" - 2 Corinthians 5:17

God’s Workmanship: You were designed on purpose to do good things. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" - Ephesians 2:10

2. His love and protection -

Deeply Loved: Nothing can ever take God's love away from you. "For I am sure that neither death nor life... nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" - Romans 8:38-39

Chosen and Special: You belong to a royal and holy family. "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession" - 1 Peter 2:9

Never Alone: God promises to give you strength and stay by your side. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" - Isaiah 41:10

3. Adopted into His family -

God's Child: You are an official member of God's family with full rights. "But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" - John 1:12

An Heir: You inherit all the spiritual riches and promises of God alongside Jesus. "And if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ" - Romans 8:17

Chosen Early: God decided to choose and adopt you long before you were even born. "He chose us in him before the foundation of the world... he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ" - Ephesians 1:4-5

4. Completely Forgiven and Freed - 

No Condemnation: You are permanently free from guilt, shame, and judgment. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" - Romans 8:1

Fully Redeemed: Your wrongs are completely washed away through His grace. "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace" - Ephesians 1:7

Set Free: You are no longer under the control or slavery of sin. "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" - Galatians 5:1

5. Secure and Purposeful -

Citizen of Heaven: Your true home and ultimate loyalty belong to God's kingdom. "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ" - Philippians 3:20

Temple of the Spirit: God lives directly inside you right now. "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?" - 1 Corinthians 6:19

Branch of the Vine: You are connected to Christ to produce good results in life. "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit" - John 15:5

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I pray that you are able to confidently know who you are in Christ, and start speaking life over yourself when negative thoughts try and take over your mind. I pray that you can take those thoughts captive and immediately replace them with Truth. 

Common lies tend to be where we believe we are unloved, unvalued, we are useless, we are failures, we cannot do anything right, we are a waste, the world would be better without us, our efforts are of no use. In Jesus' Name every lie from the enemy is to be squashed because you are LOVED, you are VALUED, you are USEFUL, you are not a failure but instead you are a FAITHFUL child, when you do things with Christ then you are doing things RIGHT, you were created with PURPOSE, God knew the world needed you so things would not be better without YOU, and the Lord BLESSES the efforts of His children.

Walk in Spirit and in Truth, my friends. I believe in you and I thankful you are here.